FAQ Who?
“What do they do?
And why weren’t they stopped?!”
What’s in a name?
What do they do?
What is ‘Filthy Swing’?
But what about the children?
Gosh! Aren’t they a bit rude?
Are they under the influence?
Who writes their material then?
Do they perform anywhere other than the gutter?
Where have they been?
Do they do interviews and all that?
Any other questions, complaints, discussions of fine art auctions?
Copyright notice & ‘Legal Shit’
What’s in a name?
Quite a lot, actually. Hence the reason why the band are not called ‘Great Thinkers of our Time’ or ‘Christian Fundamentalists against Filthy Language, Drug References, Sexual Licentiousness and Intemperate Music for Good Time Heathens’.
The specific cultural context and connotation of the phrase ‘Top Shelf’ emanates from the British interpretation meaning pornographic publications not meant for children’s eyes on the top shelf of any good news agents such as WH Smith, The Ashmolean or The British Library etc. Clearly, the name does need to be explained as you would never in a million years connect this sort of filth and smut with the law-abiding, god-fearing, teetotal and clean cut musical characters that form the band.
Indeed, What do they do?
Try to play in tune, most of the time. Molest each other on stage. Wear stupid hats. Make their parents regret spending any money on a proper education. A standard show for the most part.
Are they taking the piss?
Only if said piss contains the finest Cognac. And is free.
What is ‘Filthy Swing’?
‘Filthy swing’ is what Top Shelf Jazz do best! For those who, perhaps, don’t know, it is a combination of ‘Filth’ and ‘Swing’. A definition of the the musical sound of the band first coined by former member, Marvelonius Wrecks, to help explain what we were about: a re-progression of pre-war swing born from street festivals & rough, provincial back-street cabarets, NOT the “official” Trad. Jazz. The definition is as much a signal of the band’s outsider status as it is of the fast talking smut and ribald themes of their music and all that nasty shit. It’s what the kool kids loved instantly, and it reconnected an old style with a whole new generation of Live Music lovers who’d not had it pushed in their faces before. (Ahem)…
But what about the children?
Who cares? Give them a box of matches to play with.
In all seriousness, Top Shelf Jazz are available for hire if you need to teach your children about any of the topics that cansometimes create awkward moments between parent and innocent child: Swear words and when to use them, Gutter sex, Drinking, Flatulence, Drinking, the non-existence of Santa, Religion: the unpalatable bits, Drinking Buddhism Fisting Scientology and hilarious Drug stories with positive outcomes.
Gosh! Aren’t they a bit rude?
The observant amongst you will have noticed this. Those less intellectually blessed are usually offended. But what were they expecting? Mormons?
Are they taking the piss?
No. Just the free booze.
Are they under the influence?
Of course not. Only because they’re jazz musicians and can’t afford any (hard) drugs, unlike those pampered indie pop fops.
Musically, their dark masters include the finest selection from British Dance Hall, Harlem Swing and Parisian Gypsy Jazz: Cab Calloway , Freddy Mercury, Le Quintet du Hot Club du France, Al Bowlly, Kid Creole, Groucho Marx, Fats Waller, Billie Holiday and, of course, Status Quo.
Who writes their material then?
Ask any of the musicians this question and they will answer ‘Your Mum’. Your mother is a very talented lady.
Most of the original numbers have been written by Arthur Foxaque, who if you don’t know his identity, is the one who yells a lot on stage and sometimes tries to play guitar.
For songs with words that contain more than two syllables, Baron von Blowpipe usually takes the credit.
Do they perform anywhere other than the gutter?
Yes.If you are having an eviction party, a political protest, a shotgun wedding, a memorial service or are celebrating your 21st yet again, please send all requests to “BOOKINGS @ topshelfjazz .co .uk” .
Where have they been?
This depends on whether you ask the NHS, Interpol or Customs & Immigration.
There have been noise complaints in the following places:
Brittany, Normandy, Aquitaine, Pays D’Oc, Rome, Puglia, Carinthia, Linz, Wroc£aw, Warszawa, Berlin, Köln, Ostend, Edinburgh, Bath, Bristol, Cardiff, Plymouth, Cornwall, Bournemouth, Oxford, Cambridge, Brighton, a fair whack of London, “the Big Chill”, Glastonbury Festival, “Kendal Calling”, “Love Box”, Salvador de Bahia (Brazil), Melbourne (Australia) and The Gutter. Other locations and events can be seen on the website calendar for further information.
Do they do interviews and all that?
They are jazz musicians. They barely have a grasp of the English language, for god’s sake. Therefore intelligent conversation with a journalist is not a viable idea. However, if you have a question to which the answer is ‘Your mum’ then ask away.
Are they taking the piss?
Only in so much as that they are testing for venereal diseases.
Any other questions, complaints, discussions of fine art auctions?
If you have been horribly offended by the above text, please send your sincerest displeasure to HATEMAIL @ topshelfjazz. co.uk , and we can’t promise that the band will not publish your letter, nor read it out at a show or in any way give a remote shit.
Copyright Notice & “Legal Shit”
“Yo, Blood! This is, like, totally our shit isn’t it.and, y’know, if you were, like, to say that it isn’t, and that, then that would be completely racist against the assertion of our rights over our intellectual property, and such. and we would get a swotty lawyer to tell you and all that. isn’t it. isn’t it, though. Standard.”
But if you really must know, then please contact us and we’ll copy and paste something from someone else’s site and try and make it look like we have a lawyer and such. OK?
Toot! Toot!